Our life is what our thoughts make it.
-Marcus Aurelius (Meditations)
Mapping the Terrain of Consequential Conversations
Chart your Path.
Iceberg
Interests
Interests are the motivations (needs, concerns, desires, hopes, and fears) beneath the positions expressed by the parties.
Positions are what we want, Interests are why we want them. The better we understand the parties’ interests, the better chance we’ll be able to generate high-value options.
Observatory
Options
Options are the full range of possibilities the parties might agree upon.
Options are, or might be, put “on the table.” There is a crucial distinction between options and offers: offers seek commitment, or formal agreement, while options are potential components of a deal. Good options meets the parties’ interests and leverage difference as a source of value.
Colosseum
Criteria
Criteria (a.k.a. “Objective Criteria” or “Legitimacy”) are third-party, neutral benchmarks, which determine the “fairness” of an agreement (as well as its process).
Criteria exist beyond the will of either party. Criteria could be legal precedents, market data, industry standards, or unspoken social norms like reciprocity or deference.
Cove
Commitment
Commitment refers to oral, written, or implicit statements about what the parties will or won’t do.
Strong agreements have the organic buy-in of their stakeholders and are stronger to the extent that implementation is planned for (practical, realistic, durable, easily understood by those who are to carry them out, and verifiable if necessary). We want to commit quickly on good process and carefully on substantive terms.
Archipelago
Alternatives
Alternatives are the walk-away possibilities that each party has if an agreement is not reached. Neither party should agree to something that is worse than their BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement).
Whereas options are “on the table”, alternatives (in negotiation speak) are the courses of action each party can pursue '“away from the table”, without the other party.
Rockies
Relationship
Relationship (a.k.a. “Rapport”) refers to the history amongst the parties, their power dynamic(s), and the degree to which they trust one another.
We preach the separation of the person from the problem and adopting the unconditional positive regard of an “I-Thou” vs. an “I-it” stance towards others.
Canyon
Communication
Communication refers to the signals sent between the parties, both explicitly and implicitly.
High-quality communication minds the gap between the intent of the messages we send and the impact it has on the receiver(s). That is, the parties understand each other—even if they disagree.
Don’t React. Respond.
Mindful Negotiating begins with cultivating the awareness that Mindlessness is pervasive.
In each training we endeavor to:
Elevate Awareness of our default conflict (attachment) styles - the patterns and scripts we have around power, the distribution of resources, assertion vs. empathy, and the operating assumptions we have about “negotiating”
Equipping with Pressure-Tested Tools and Frameworks e.g. the Seven Elements, the Behavioral Staircase Model, de-escalation and the Ladder of Inference.
Practical, memorable, customized simulations & exercises in which to apply the tools and generate data for our debrief.
Build better habits around reflacting on our performance, giving and receiving feedback,
for continuous learning long after the training “ends”.