When is negotiation not appropriate?

We believe that the more situations we understand as negotiations, the more they become negotiable.

We’re defining negotiation as the pursuit of our interests (what drives us - the why beneath the what) such that even when we’re choosing to do nothing, we are doing so because it optimizes our resources of time, attention, energy, social capital etc.

Everyone negotiates something every day. Like Moliere’s Monsieur Jordain, who was delighted to learn that he had been speaking prose all his life, people negotiate even when they don’t think of themselves as doing so.

(Introduction of Getting to Yes: Negotiate Agreement without Giving In by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton).

So our first answer, is that your course of action, even if you’re walking away from the table (which is sometimes your best response in the moment) falls within our definition of negotiation as the pursuit of your INTERESTS.

Timing also plays a huge role here. For example, it might not be the best time to ask for a raise right after your boss confides in you that the company is going under and that their spouse is leaving them.

How appropriate negotiating is (as in explicitly pursuing your interests) and how appropriate it is perceived may be different altogether based unfortunately on a person’s presentation (e.g. women tend to pay a higher social price for the activity of negotiating on behalf of themselves). The degree to which negotiating is expected and accepted is a cultural consideration. The more we understand the 7 Elements, the more thoughtfully and strategically we can engage in the negotiation process.

The element of RELATIONSHIP (or the history and level of trust you have with the other party/parties is the dominant element to consider.

How well do you expect your INTERESTS to be satisfied with your negotiation counterpart(s)?

Do you have ALTERNATIVES that better suit your portfolio of INTERESTS?

Finally, how we negotiate/communicate heavily influences our counterparts’ response. In negotiation, we are often focusing on the how as much as the what.